I subscribe to the concept that you cannot run away from anything very successfully, but you can run
toward something if you know what it is or what it looks like. I often tell my clients that they need to
define what success is so they can know when they have arrived, and if they don’t define it, how do they
know if they are going in the right direction?
Let’s take a simple example: If I tell you to clear your mind of all thoughts, what do you do? You try, but
I’m going to bet that all of a sudden you start thinking about all the things you need to do, all the things
that are bothering you or all the things you really don’t want to think about but start to fill that space. If
I tell you to focus on your breathing, or the warmth of the coffee cup in your hand, you move your mind
to that thing. You focus on that thing. You feel the breath, you feel the pace of the breath, you feel
your body moving because of the breath, but you think about the breath. You are focused and you
AREN’T thinking about the to do list, the person you need to meet with or the project your child has to
do for school. You are focusing on something. We can’t run from something; we have to run toward
When I was just divorced I could easily (and did at times) say what I didn’t want in my next relationship.
I didn’t want to fight; didn’t want this or that. But I finally sat down and journaled what I DID want. I
wanted a partner who was kind and funny and safe and shared my values. (It was gooier than that, but
you get the idea). After I met my husband, I was digging through old journals. I read that entry and was
amazed at how I had found exactly what I had described. Because knowing what I was looking for made
the “search” so much more possible. And if I had run across someone who didn’t fit the bill, I could
easily move on because I knew what I wanted. Whether I knew at the time what I was doing, or realized
the value of it afterward, I don’t know.
How do you communicate what you want to yourself instead of what you don’t want? You don’t want
to be overweight: How about moving toward eating and exercising for health and not focusing on what
you cannot eat. You don’t want to be in debt-how about identifying what that money will buy in the
future instead of what you cannot have today. You don’t like the clients you are attracting- how about
thinking about who those clients you want are, what drives them and where you find them and how you
provide what they want. Knowing where you are going makes prioritizing so much easier. You can say
no to anything that isn’t moving you toward your yes.
My wish for you is peace. I know you can move toward it if you define what it looks like for you.